May 25th, 2012

The Crest Cinnamon Toothpaste Incident OR How I Learned to Go with What I Know.

People in American society are constantly telling others to “try something new” and to “be spontaneous.” I used to think I was a pretty square person, having my rituals and routines that I never easily gave up. After I tried the “loosey-goosey” lifestyle, I am pleased to report that, no, you’re wrong, and I should never try anything new again.

Okay, maybe that is an overreaction. But only maybe. Enter: Crest Cinnamon Mint Toothpaste:

What started as an attempt to be more spontaneous on a trip to Kroger turned into a fiasco that I can’t un-live. I honestly believe that I will have PTSD that will only be remedied by years of therapy to undo what Crest has done.

I usually buy the Scope blue toothpaste by Crest. It gets the job done, it’s not gross, I like it. This time I ventured out and decided that Cinnamon toothpaste would be a fun new thing to try. Fun. New. Spontaneous.

I tried the new toothpaste before bed that night, and it tasted really good. It was totally different and tasted like chewing Big Red gum almost. I was proud of myself for taking the leap of faith!

The next day (yesterday), I woke up with a really weird feeling in my mouth. Everything felt raw. Everything was painful. My tastebuds were busted. My mouth was super sensitive to everything. I tried to drink a glass of water and it felt like molten hot magma. I wanted to die. It didn’t help that I was at a ball game with free food all night and oh hey, my mouth can’t even handle ice cubes.

As mad as I could be at Crest, the lesson here is to not succumb to societal pressures to be interesting. I like being boring. I like my boring regular toothpaste that doesn’t cause redness, tears, inflammation, and mental/emotional damage. I just want to eat snacks without it feeling like I’m being stabbed in the mouth. Go with what you know! You know better than others what is best for you—you just have to trust yourself!

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meAkilah. Big Personality. Even Bigger Hair. NYC by way of Cincinnati. Girl About Town. Hot Mess. Blogger. Youtuber. UCB Comedy Person. Writer for HelloGiggles.

My mom thinks I'm funny. This is where my ink spills. ♡

Artwork by Samantha Hahn


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