It's Akilah, Obviously!

I am not a morning person. As you can see by my alarm titles, I have luke-warm messages of encouragement or vague threats to entice myself to get up. I just can’t do it!  If I have to be anywhere before noon and I am not getting picked up by a car or cab, suffice it to say I’ll probably be late. 

I guess I always assumed that hating mornings would change as I got older. In elementary school, waking up was hard because it was still dark outside when the alarm went off. I remember for about a solid month, my sister Lanie would throw our pet rabbit on top of me and it would claw me awake because otherwise I’d hold up the whole house. 

High School was the same issue // the internet and texting were a thing so I couldn’t get to bed at an early enough time not to be a zombie. Luckily for me, my school gave up our dress code pretty quickly after I started there, so “sweatpants, chillin with no makeup on” was my go to look.

College empowered me to schedule classes in the afternoon and only on two days a week. Let’s be real: I slept more in those 5 years than I did in my entire formative years as a baby. I would have a class at 11, nap through lunch, class at 1:30 and then 3, and then nap til 7. I actually avoided the freshman 15 solely by sleeping through most designated meal times at food service.

Which brings me to now—-oh terrible adulty now. I want desperately to wake up with a spring in my step. I have a friend who wakes up and immediately starts writing, and drawing, and planning, and generally being too good at adulthood. I hit snooze for roughly 1.5 hours before I emerge from my blankets and wander to the bathroom at a snail’s pace. I sit on the toilet for an extra 25 minutes after I’ve done my duties, just lamenting the bright overhead lighting and the germs I will encounter on the train at any minute. Maybe getting a more annoying alarm would wake me up, but I can’t be certain, and “Africa” by Toto is relaxing enough that I don’t punch the closest noun available when it interrupts my dreams. 

Are there any suggestions you might have to make getting up easier for me? Do you have any skill sets you thought you would have gained as an adult that just never seemed to materialize? Lemme know.

We’ve been taught to fight sleep since we were babies. It’s a popular thing to do. Just ask the people behind that “Cute Things Falling Asleep” website. The only reason it’s cute is because half the time those animals are trying NOT to fall asleep—

But a huge part of adulthood, I’m finding, is about being awake and alert earlier than EVER for LONGER THAN EVER.

So here’s my pep talk for those who look like zombies at work every morning:

Nothing is going on! I know you think you’ll miss something, and refreshing Tumblr is a great time-waster—but unless you live in some big awesome city, nothing is going on! It’s 1 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. What do you really think is happening that’s worth losing valuable sleep?

Don’t you want to be attractive in 10 years? Let’s be real, now that we’re adults it’s time to own up to our inevitable attractiveness expiration date. We have another 10 years of prime time and then it’s all “nip/tuck/creams/procedures” after that (or so reality television has told me…). You know what isn’t doing you any favors? Staring into the abyss of your computer  screen when you should be catching up on REM (the band broke up btw).

Do you like gaining weight for totally easy preventable reasons? According to this dated article from USA Today (look, I’m running on little sleep as it is), sleep deprivation has a positive correlation to weight gain. Our bodies need to recharge, and the less sleep you allot the more you’ll pay for it (but really, more weight = more fabric = more money).

You never regret a good night’s rest. Tell me the last time you said “I got a full 8 hours of good restful sleep and now everything’s ruined.” Go on—I’ll wait.

I’m going to bed, I’ll catch you on the flip side!