March 14th, 2012

Adulthood Chronicles: On Going to Bed at a Reasonable Hour.

We’ve been taught to fight sleep since we were babies. It’s a popular thing to do. Just ask the people behind that “Cute Things Falling Asleep" website. The only reason it’s cute is because half the time those animals are trying NOT to fall asleep—

But a huge part of adulthood, I’m finding, is about being awake and alert earlier than EVER for LONGER THAN EVER.

So here’s my pep talk for those who look like zombies at work every morning:

Nothing is going on! I know you think you’ll miss something, and refreshing Tumblr is a great time-waster—but unless you live in some big awesome city, nothing is going on! It’s 1 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. What do you really think is happening that’s worth losing valuable sleep?

Don’t you want to be attractive in 10 years? Let’s be real, now that we’re adults it’s time to own up to our inevitable attractiveness expiration date. We have another 10 years of prime time and then it’s all “nip/tuck/creams/procedures” after that (or so reality television has told me…). You know what isn’t doing you any favors? Staring into the abyss of your computer  screen when you should be catching up on REM (the band broke up btw).

Do you like gaining weight for totally easy preventable reasons? According to this dated article from USA Today (look, I’m running on little sleep as it is), sleep deprivation has a positive correlation to weight gain. Our bodies need to recharge, and the less sleep you allot the more you’ll pay for it (but really, more weight = more fabric = more money).

You never regret a good night’s rest. Tell me the last time you said “I got a full 8 hours of good restful sleep and now everything’s ruined.” Go on—I’ll wait.

I’m going to bed, I’ll catch you on the flip side!

September 14th, 2011

Things I Learned at 21.

As you may or may not know, I had my 22nd birthday on August 31st. This happened:

For weeks I’ve been planning to make some sort of resonant post (omg tumblr notes, tum-BLAH famous!!) listing things I’d like to do before I turn 23. I quickly came to realize that I’ve never planned a year like this, and that planning it might cheapen it. After all, spontaneity is a gift for the young, and I’m not ready to make any sort of commitment to doing anything (laziness, thy name is Akilah). So here’s a cumulative list of things I learned during year 21:

1. Kosher Dill Pickles are better than regular Dill Pickles: this might be common knowledge for some, but the difference between regular dill pickles and kosher dill pickles is extremely noticeable. Regular dill pickles are what happen when cucumbers throw up. I still have the jar of super sour, not even remotely delicious regular dill pickles in the fridge from months ago to prove it. The More You Know…

2. Everyone under 30 is broke. Okay, so maybe this is factually inaccurate, but I find it to be the case more often than not. I (like loads of young adults) had to suck up my pride and move back home. I may have a few dollars in the bank right now, but with student loans and (hopefully soon) a car loan to be paid off, I can’t expect to be rolling in the dough yet and that’s completely okay. 

3. The best jobs have the best perks. Between having a job that allowed me to go to Disney World for free with friends whenever I wanted, and this new position that has afforded me an iPad and dental insurance, this fact has been proven time and time again. When looking for jobs, be sure to not only look for one with a salary becoming of your talents, but also one that will give you things that you really want and need. 

4. The free things to do are sometimes the best things to do. Whether it be my insistence on a social media campaign at my job, or Yelp free movies and events around Cincinnati, the truth remains that free things aren’t so bad. Even cheap things are okay. I got to see  a free sneak preview of the movie Contagion last week, and it was pretty awesome.

5. Popcorn is just as good without butter.  No further discussion is required.

6.  Your Lifelong 90s Nostalgia will not go unrewarded. Whether it be that my all-time favorite movie The Lion King will be in theaters for a limited engagement of 2 weeks starting Friday, or The 90’s are All That coming back to Nickelodeon, or even Crop-trops making a fashion revival—it is certain that there is great gain in remembering. The 90’s were a much simpler time. Kids didn’t have cell phones, PCs dominated the computer world, the “remix” had not yet been invented, and AOL was a legit internet provider. Times change, and even if things weren’t necessarily better, it is good to remember that not so long ago, things were very different.

7. You never get out of high school. The faces change, but I think human nature is high school nature. There are group projects at work whether you like it or not. If you suck up, you may get extra credit, and life isn’t fair—but that’s just fine. As long as you are aware that this is reality, you can stack the deck in your favor. Go get em!

Here’s to a new adventure in year 22! I hope it’s a wild one!

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meAkilah. Big Personality. Even Bigger Hair. NYC by way of Cincinnati. Girl About Town. Hot Mess. Blogger. Youtuber. UCB Comedy Person. Writer for HelloGiggles.

My mom thinks I'm funny. This is where my ink spills. ♡

Artwork by Samantha Hahn


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