April 10th, 2013

Adulty Things: Morning Alarms and Waking Up


I am not a morning person. As you can see by my alarm titles, I have luke-warm messages of encouragement or vague threats to entice myself to get up. I just can’t do it!  If I have to be anywhere before noon and I am not getting picked up by a car or cab, suffice it to say I’ll probably be late. 

I guess I always assumed that hating mornings would change as I got older. In elementary school, waking up was hard because it was still dark outside when the alarm went off. I remember for about a solid month, my sister Lanie would throw our pet rabbit on top of me and it would claw me awake because otherwise I’d hold up the whole house. 

High School was the same issue // the internet and texting were a thing so I couldn’t get to bed at an early enough time not to be a zombie. Luckily for me, my school gave up our dress code pretty quickly after I started there, so “sweatpants, chillin with no makeup on” was my go to look.

College empowered me to schedule classes in the afternoon and only on two days a week. Let’s be real: I slept more in those 5 years than I did in my entire formative years as a baby. I would have a class at 11, nap through lunch, class at 1:30 and then 3, and then nap til 7. I actually avoided the freshman 15 solely by sleeping through most designated meal times at food service.

Which brings me to now—-oh terrible adulty now. I want desperately to wake up with a spring in my step. I have a friend who wakes up and immediately starts writing, and drawing, and planning, and generally being too good at adulthood. I hit snooze for roughly 1.5 hours before I emerge from my blankets and wander to the bathroom at a snail’s pace. I sit on the toilet for an extra 25 minutes after I’ve done my duties, just lamenting the bright overhead lighting and the germs I will encounter on the train at any minute. Maybe getting a more annoying alarm would wake me up, but I can’t be certain, and “Africa” by Toto is relaxing enough that I don’t punch the closest noun available when it interrupts my dreams. 

Are there any suggestions you might have to make getting up easier for me? Do you have any skill sets you thought you would have gained as an adult that just never seemed to materialize? Lemme know.


September 14th, 2011

Things I Learned at 21.

As you may or may not know, I had my 22nd birthday on August 31st. This happened:

For weeks I’ve been planning to make some sort of resonant post (omg tumblr notes, tum-BLAH famous!!) listing things I’d like to do before I turn 23. I quickly came to realize that I’ve never planned a year like this, and that planning it might cheapen it. After all, spontaneity is a gift for the young, and I’m not ready to make any sort of commitment to doing anything (laziness, thy name is Akilah). So here’s a cumulative list of things I learned during year 21:

1. Kosher Dill Pickles are better than regular Dill Pickles: this might be common knowledge for some, but the difference between regular dill pickles and kosher dill pickles is extremely noticeable. Regular dill pickles are what happen when cucumbers throw up. I still have the jar of super sour, not even remotely delicious regular dill pickles in the fridge from months ago to prove it. The More You Know…

2. Everyone under 30 is broke. Okay, so maybe this is factually inaccurate, but I find it to be the case more often than not. I (like loads of young adults) had to suck up my pride and move back home. I may have a few dollars in the bank right now, but with student loans and (hopefully soon) a car loan to be paid off, I can’t expect to be rolling in the dough yet and that’s completely okay. 

3. The best jobs have the best perks. Between having a job that allowed me to go to Disney World for free with friends whenever I wanted, and this new position that has afforded me an iPad and dental insurance, this fact has been proven time and time again. When looking for jobs, be sure to not only look for one with a salary becoming of your talents, but also one that will give you things that you really want and need. 

4. The free things to do are sometimes the best things to do. Whether it be my insistence on a social media campaign at my job, or Yelp free movies and events around Cincinnati, the truth remains that free things aren’t so bad. Even cheap things are okay. I got to see  a free sneak preview of the movie Contagion last week, and it was pretty awesome.

5. Popcorn is just as good without butter.  No further discussion is required.

6.  Your Lifelong 90s Nostalgia will not go unrewarded. Whether it be that my all-time favorite movie The Lion King will be in theaters for a limited engagement of 2 weeks starting Friday, or The 90’s are All That coming back to Nickelodeon, or even Crop-trops making a fashion revival—it is certain that there is great gain in remembering. The 90’s were a much simpler time. Kids didn’t have cell phones, PCs dominated the computer world, the “remix” had not yet been invented, and AOL was a legit internet provider. Times change, and even if things weren’t necessarily better, it is good to remember that not so long ago, things were very different.

7. You never get out of high school. The faces change, but I think human nature is high school nature. There are group projects at work whether you like it or not. If you suck up, you may get extra credit, and life isn’t fair—but that’s just fine. As long as you are aware that this is reality, you can stack the deck in your favor. Go get em!

Here’s to a new adventure in year 22! I hope it’s a wild one!

Loading tweets...


meAkilah. Big Personality. Even Bigger Hair. NYC by way of Cincinnati. Girl About Town. Hot Mess. Blogger. Youtuber. UCB Comedy Person. Writer for HelloGiggles.

My mom thinks I'm funny. This is where my ink spills. ♡

Artwork by Samantha Hahn


Spend Your Holiday Money In Hilarious Style at Bus