December 21st, 2012

5 Possible Reasons the Mayan/Aztec Apocalypse Ain’t Happenin’

If you have the internet (which I’m assuming you do unless you have some mystical ability to read blogs within your mind…), you know that 12-21-12 is supposedly the last day of the Mayan/Aztec calendar, which (to some) must signify that it is the End of Days. Doomsday. The Apocalypse.

Personally, I think there are any number of reasons why the calendar ended. Perhaps:


1. The Mayans were on CP Time. If you don’t know what CP time is, check out this link and get back to me. Look, I’m just saying that being a little late is more acceptable in colorful cultures. Maybe in a week or in 10 years they’ll be right.


2. The Guy Making the Calendar Died/Quit/Got Promoted/Had an Existential Crisis about How His Culture Would Be Long Gone Before The End of the World And Realized it Wasn’t Worth Finishing… As interesting as calendar-writing is for a profession, it seems that just about anyone can do it. I’m not sure why we should believe that something didn’t happen with the guy making it. It’s not all that unbelievable that calendar-making wasn’t his dream, and one day he decided that enough was enough and he opened up a little yoga studio or decided to go learn how to snorkel. We can’t know for sure—but I have faith in the guy behind the calendar. I really do.


3. Nature Happened and The Calendar Disintegrated or Something. If the guy did die or leave his working post, the most recent calendar bits would be on the top of his pile (okay, he doesn’t have paper, right? so like, this was just on a wall?…indulge me) blew away or got washed away or something. Doesn’t mean the world’s gonna end.


4.The Dudes Who Discovered the Calendar Took the Rest of it Home as a Souvenir. It’s a pretty douchey hoax that’s gone on too long if this is the case. Just ease the minds of all the crazies and tell them you’ve got it stashed next to Jimmy Hoffa’s remains.

5. Calendar-Maker McGee Knew a Catchy Pop Song about The End of the World Would Materialize and Could Not Pass Up That Opportunity. If this guy knew the world was gonna end, then he knew there was a chance Britney Spears would come out with a song a year prior that would be the jam to end all jams. Just ask yourself if maybe you’d make up the end of the world to hear something this rad.




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meAkilah. Big Personality. Even Bigger Hair. NYC by way of Cincinnati. Girl About Town. Hot Mess. Blogger. Youtuber. UCB Comedy Person. Producer at MTV. Writer for HelloGiggles. Contributor at Refinery29.

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