Why I Love Taking the Subway
When I first moved to New York (two weeks ago…), I honestly thought I was allergic to the Subway. The moment I was below ground my allergies were alerted and I’d sneeze repeatedly and gross people out.
Now that I’m all acclimated, I still go just short of anaphylactic shock, but I realized that I truly love the Subway!
I like how you have to grip onto grimey poles when there are no seats. Sometimes you can see the fingerprints from the nasty person who touched it before you! With how much hand sanitizer I’ve burned through, surely the economy has been stimulated!
I especially like when the subway jolts unexpectedly and I fall with my hand on or near someone’s crotch! I keep forgetting that my transportation choice is essentially a tin can being kicked down a dirty alley-way.
Have you ever played “everyone’s body is made of molten lava?” No? Well it’s this great game where you have to be extremely careful not to touch one of the 300 people shoved into your section of the train. It’s necessary to make a big deal if someone brushes against you because THEY’RE LAVA! Act like the lava has thumbs and is trying to pick pocket you when they inevitably bump you.
And let’s not forget how Charlie Brown’s teachers are letting you know what stop is next (except Hoyt-Schermerhorn, which just sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher).
But really, it’s not so bad. I miss my car, but this is cheap and adventurous, and dangerous, and so NYC.